Going You Know Where in a Hand Basket...

Jason and I have been frequenting his parent's church recently. It's a long story, but we've become increasingly disillusioned with our church of the past 8 or so years and just don't see it as the place where we want to raise our kids. One reason is that it is SOOOO large....and the straw that broke that particular camel's back came a month or so ago when one of the ushers asked us if we were visiting. Yeah, after 8 years.

Jason's parent's church is Lutheran; I grew up Baptist. Can you imagine there's a difference in worship style? Smile. We've gone there quite a bit, though, because Bailey went to Bible School there this year and LOVED it and the people, the people love and dote on her, and frankly it's a lot easier than spending our Sundays going around and trying out new churches. But, this church is REALLY small - which is both good and bad. The people are so nice and the pastor is a good communicator (which sometimes you don't find in a small church). On the flip side, young people are few and far between. Jason and I have talked about the fact that maybe what God wants for us is to get involved with this church and try to infuse some life into it. But, that's not something to discuss in depth here. I'm not bringing the funny yet but, trust me, I will.

So the thing I struggle with about the church is the music. It's awful. I have yet to recognize a hymn....in fact, Jason and I joke that most of the songs just sound like we are making them up as we go along. Praise songs, I feel, would just not be accepted. Coming from a Baptist background and then going to an evangelical church for most of my adult life means that I appreciate great music. It's such a part of the worship experience for me.

That's the background - probably too much, but I want you to appreciate where my story is coming from. This morning, about halfway through the service, the pastor announced that the choir was going to share a special performance. Now, this choir is about 10 people and I'm not sure, but I think the pastor is also the director. He sings with them in any case (and has a very nice voice, I must add). As they began, the first problem was the pianist. I've noted over time that she plays both the piano and the organ and she doesn't really have enough skill to actually do either well. I haven't yet mentioned that she's 1/2 deaf....that's not a joke, she really is. As she was accompanying the choir, she was also trying to direct the singers with one of her hands, which means she was really just playing chords with the other. At this point, I was already concerned with where this performance was going and they had only sung a few bars. This is when stuff really started happening.

The first indicator that things were going south was that the pianist seemed to get lost in her music and she stopped playing for a moment. I don't think she could quite keep her music book on the piano what with the directing and chord-playing. The choir, or at least the most gregarious of singers, tried to compensate by singing louder. Then, it was like various members of the choir also got lost and were either singing from the wrong page or were just standing there holding their music. But, it was like the worse things got, the louder and more off-key some people started singing. It was a symphony of disaster and I half expected them to stop, have a little laugh and start over. So, I was sitting there mentally deciding whether to feel sorry for them or to find it really funny, when my husband starting the shaking. Have you ever been caught in the "inappropriate laugh?" This may come at a funeral or in an important meeting - a place where you're supposed to be very quiet and respectful. My experience has been that the inappropriate laugh fits tend to find me in church. I remember one Christmas the entire family was home on Christmas Eve and we went to my parent's church for service. They had brought in a guy who played bagpipes...in a kilt. My brothers and I were beyond out of control. We kept looking around and wondering, "Doesn't anyone else think this is freakin hilarious?" Maybe not. Maybe we're just jerks.

Well, the inappropriate laugh fits found Jason this morning BIG TIME. At first, it was just the silent shaking but, when I looked over to see if he was okay, of course I starting laughing too. They are, after all, contagious. And I maintain that it's never ME that starts these things...I'm just an unwilling accomplice. At first, I thought the fit would be brief, but every few seconds brought on another fit and it was clear that Jason and I needed to be separated like 3rd graders. We spent the next however many minutes (how long IS this song? I kept wondering) alternately dying with laughter, trying to hide it, breaking down again and chastising each other for not being able to get it under control. Because, you know, I'm sure everyone in the church knew we were out of control. Even the silent laugh seems loud in church.

Someone stopped the choir in the middle of the song so they could regroup, but I don't even remember that part. I only remember the crying and the sweating that resulted from our episode. And then, once it was over and I felt a wave of relief, I almost started again when the pastor very eloquently and sincerely (and IMMEDIATELY following the performance) thanked all of the servants of the church for giving of their talents.

We may not be welcomed back....