5 Weeks Out

So, I'm officially tired of being pregnant. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of my belly being the focal point and the source of all comments...."You're ready to pop, aren't you?!" "Wow, you're not that big for being as close as you are." Everyone has an opinion, ya know. Strangely, I don't mind it when people touch my belly, but comments like those get to me a bit. I know that it's just conversation, so I try to take it all in stride.


The worst, however, is my mom, who thinks it's funny to use the word FAT simply because she knows how borderline crazy I am about my non-pregnant lifestyle when it comes to my body and food. I'm certainly not like I used to be, but I like to watch what I eat and exercise. I've talked to an also-pregnant friend about this phenomenon (people thinking it's funny to call you fat) and it's a classic case of "you can call a pretty girl ugly, but you can't call an ugly girl ugly." People just get a kick out of teasing us but we read into it too much!


But, back to my mom....she has recently lost a lot of weight (so has my dad), so I think she feels a weird sense of excitement seeing the numbers on her scale go down, while the numbers on mine go up. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Jason commented on how tiny she looks and she said, "Oh, it's just that your wife is so fat right now that I look small in comparison." Seriously......NOT COOL. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.


I'm also tired of my maternity clothes. Having worn a big chunk of this wardrobe during 2 pregnancies, I'm kind of ready to burn them. My dilemma right now is that it's starting to get cold and I really only have a few long-sleeved shirts and sweaters. And, those particular items were worn during the early part of my pregnancy with Bailey since she was due in August. I was hoping to make it through without any more purchases, but I think I'm going to have to try to find one or two cheap sweaters to make it through the next few weeks. It seems a big waste, but I also don't want to risk flashing the underside of my belly because the shirts I'm wearing are riding up! :-)


I'm also starting to worry about childbirth. Now, I really didn't think I would get uptight about it this time but I unfortunately kind of live my life in "what if" mode. Since EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG acts like your 2nd baby just kind of slides right out (sorry for the crude level), I am convinced that my experience will be quite the opposite. My water broke with Bailey, which was a clear cut indicator of when to go to the hospital. I asked the dr. if there was any more likelihood that the same will happen this time, and she said no. So, I'm worried about contractions.....how will I know when to go to the hospital? Since I didn't have a single contraction prior to my water breaking, the whole timing/pain level formula they give you just seems so foreign to me.


Oh, and the epidural. Geez, the EPIDURAL!!! This is the only extremely vivid memory I have of my first delivery. Everyone told me that this would be no big deal, and I remember looking at my mom with panic in my eyes and vengeance in my heart because I felt betrayed by each and every person who had addressed this with me. It hurt.....BAD. Of course, I'm not at all interested in the alternative, so I will just be content to dread it from now until that time.


Okay, I'm done ranting. As you can tell, my head is in a lot of different places at this point. I'll focus on something a little more mundane next time!